Disclaimers
“Someone has said that it requires less mental effort to condemn than to think.”
(Emma Goldman, on several things including mailing list flamewars)
Fascinating Aïda's "Dogging" song.
Look for "dogging etiquette" for more examples of code of conducts. Just don't take your computer for repair immediately afterwards™.
Introduction
Every daring attempt to make a great change in existing conditions, every lofty vision of new possibilities for the human race, has been labeled Utopian.
(Emma Goldman, on the Debian Social Contract)
I am going to talk about many topics that we all know have so much in common:
- Anarchism
- Poliamory
- BDSM
- and Free Software
They are all, after all:
- People
- Consensually
- Doing Things
- Together
BDSM
A person is no less a slave because they are allowed to choose a new master once in a term of years.
(Lysander Spooner about proprietary cloud service providers)
If you thought you've seen it all with recursive acronyms, here's a chain acronym: Bondage Discipline, Dominance Submission, Sado Masochism.
Why I think BDSM is interesting: not (just) because of whips, but for having a lot of awareness about power releationships. Why should one accept from a coworker a level of abuse that would be considered a hard limit when negotiating with a trusted dom?
The BDSM Free Software definition: "I refuse to be bound by software I cannot negotiate with".
YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay) is a nice example of dealing with diversity, and it also definitely solves the emacs vs vi debate.
Comfort zones, safewords, traffic light flow control, safety.
"No means no", and if someone insists after a "no", it becomes harassment.
"No means no" is a precondition for being able to say "yes": http://pervocracy.blogspot.de/2011/03/no-and-no-and-no-and-yes.html
Aftercare! Aftercare! Release parties! High fives! Solidarity after flamewars or votes!
Poliamory
If love does not know how to give and take without restrictions, it is not love, but a transaction that never fails to lay stress on a plus and a minus.
(Emma Goldman, on volunteer projects)
Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Compersion, n: the feeling you get when someone else also takes good care of one of your packages.
We currently allow only one value in the Maintainer field: * takeover is traumatic, because values can only be replaced * if values could be added instead, and removed when they don't make sense anymore...
What is your definition of love? My current one is: my world is better with you in it.
Relationship anarchy is the practice of forming relationships which are not bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree on. How do you call a relationship that is bound by rules that the people involved do not agree on?
From discussions after the talk
New Relationship Energy, the excitement when you start to maintain a new package, and the risk of been carried away by the excitement and neglecting all the other ones.
Consent
Anarchism, to me, means not only the denial of authority, not only a new economy, but a revision of the principles of morality. It means the development of the individual as well as the assertion of the individual. It means self-responsibility, and not leader worship.
(Voltairine de Cleyre about trusting lintian warnings)
You need to know what you are doing, and what situation you're putting yourself into.
You need to know that the person asking a question really is able to accept any answer, and take it seriously.
You need to feel that you have alternatives.
Be selfish when you ask, honest when you reply, and when others reply, take them seriously. If any of this doesn't stand, I find it hard to trust that we are in a consensual situation.
When is one supposed to learn about consent?
- I see little consensuality in standard education.
- I see little consensuality at work.
Practical advice
Anarchism has but one infallible, unchangeable motto, ‘Freedom.’ Freedom to discover any truth, freedom to develop, to live naturally and fully.
(Lucy Parsons about the DFSG)
Relationship advice and work advice have a lot in common:
- Sick systems: How to keep someone with you forever
- What technical recruiters can learn from online dating
Relationship advice from 99 ways to ruin an open source project
Online participation advice from How to Screw Up Your Relationship (and make everyone miserable while you’re at it)
Packaging advice from BDSM Basics: 20 Unsolicited Tips for New Dominants
Advice about joining a new community from Advice to a newbie submissive about dominants
♥ ♥ ♥
Dear Debian, and dear everyone contributing to it: my world is better with you in it.
I love you all :* <3